Negative Drama

Good afternoon and welcome to today's blog. I hope you and your families are continuing to stay safe during this continued period of difficulty and uncertainty. Today I will be reflecting upon an incident that I was involved in last week, how it came about and how to prevent future situations of a similar nature. So essentially (and this is a very basic summary) a friend of mine was being indirectly attacked and when I stood up for them, all hell broke loose. Literally. Imagine World War 3 times a bazillion (I'm sure I haven't made that number up). And who was at fault? That's right. Me. I stand up for a friend and I am in the wrong. Actually it wasn't just me 'in the wrong'.

As you might have figured out by now, I love a good Taylor Swift reference, so here's another. There was a lot of 'bad blood' that night. Somebody made a really deep cut and they definitely can't fix it (for those non Swifties you're probably thinking "What on Earth is he babbling on about?"). 

The main problem I have with negative drama is it always causes tension and division within a group. One person takes a side, then everyone else feels the need to do so. You end up with the situation where you have two groups within one. You get arguments, hatred and disagreements. Someone always ends up feeling upset and worthless. Unfortunately in this instance, there was more than one. Anyway, enough with all the emotional stuff. How do you prevent this from happening?

Firstly it's important to recognise if we are the ones actually creating the problem. We often do this when we over react to the actions of another person, or when we jump to conclusions before we have the full picture to make an informed judgement. Lots of people do this because they enjoy the drama. They enjoy being the centre of attention (we can all be guilty of this sometimes). Think if there's another way that you can get the attention you're so desperately craving. Rather than sticking your head in other people's business, create a new adventure for yourself. Give yourself a distraction away from other people. Create a new positive drama for yourself.

Sometimes we need to change our perspective about drama. You see drama isn't a physical thing (unless you're acting). Drama happens in our heads. Sometimes we can get so immersed in a situation that we often forget that it is not the end of the world. Many things are not as bad as they first appear, and can often be resolved with a simple conversation or an act of generosity. When we feel overwhelmed by a situation we should take a back seat. The feeling is only a temporary one. Use this opportunity to focus on the things that you control, and how that can have a positive impact.

This one might sound obvious, but don't get too caught up in other people's drama unless they ask you to. Because when you do, it's your problem as well as theirs. If you ever get the feeling that somebody is giving off negative energy then give yourself time and space to reflect upon this. Jump into that bath of calmness and serenity whilst you regather your thoughts. Don't get yourself down in the dumps. Stay away from that 'pity party' with yourself. Positivity is the way forward.

Whilst you are giving yourself time and space to think, ask yourself if those relationships you have are healthy and making you happy. Are they a good use of your time? If not, then remove them. Not necessarily permanently, but give yourself time away from them and steer away from the toxic nature you are experiencing. Remove the toxic from your head space. When you do return to those individuals, steer them in a positive light. Be the bigger person. Rule them - don't let them rule you.

One message I always try and live my life by - honesty. It is so important to be straight and clear with people. Let other people know that they can also be honest with you. In challenging situations, lies and hiding information will only make the matter linger on longer. Drama comes from mixed messages. Mixed messages lead to false information. People don't know where they stand. Have the courage to say exactly what you mean to say. If someone doesn't like it or agree then that's fine. But don't cause drama because you lie.

'Drama' can be a very overused label. I prefer the term 'problem' unless it really calls for the 'drama' tag. Dramas are long lasting, fractures in a friendship or a group whereas a problem is a typical 'he said, she said' scenario that is easily fixed. Problems tend to become dramas when numerous people get involved just for the sake of an argument. Make sure it really needs your involvement before starting a fight you don't want. Instead of expelling your mental energy by judging a situation as good or bad, be mature in the moment and do what you would want another to do. 

And if all else fails and a drama arises anyway (and let's be fair, it will happen), then learn from the situation to avoid it happening again. Sometimes we are powerless to prevent a drama from unfolding, but that doesn't mean that we can not learn lessons from it. Don't get stuck in the moment. Release yourself before you get in too far over your head. When we are caught in an overwhelming environment, we can learn to deal with challenges that we face better. Life is not as plain sailing as we would all want it to be. There will be mini fires in the way. Extinguish the fires before they engulf you.

So now you know (hopefully) how to tackle a dramatic situation when one slaps you in the face. I know there's some decent advice here, but don't start a drama just to prove how good it is (unless you really want to).

Please remember that I blog every Monday and Friday at 5pm. Come back this Friday - I've got a corker lined up for you!

Stay safe.

Connor

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