She Loves Me? She Loves Me Not?

Good afternoon and welcome back to today's blog. Before we get into the nitty gritty of what you are rightly thinking is a very interesting read, I want to say that there is another very exciting  interview coming your way. The incredibly talented Charlotte Campbell was generous enough to allow me some time to discuss all the usual musical topics you can think of. There will be a video on my Facebook page 'Connor's Blog' next week and the full transcript will follow here the week after. Exciting times! As for today - what is love? Why do we catch feelings? And are you really being loved or are you just being used to fill a void in another person's life? Well. let's find out shall we?

(At this point I will include my usual disclaimer that these are all my opinions from what I have been told and what I have previously experienced in my life. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments if you would like to share).

The commonly accepted definition of 'love' is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" which simply put means your desire to spend time with another individual with a significant other, be it with a future partner or someone you are meeting for the first time. Feelings are very much like flowers - they grow and strengthen with time and the right conditions. People, while unable to force feelings that are not there, owe it to themselves to explore the possibility that they could develop, and that includes giving enough time to properly investigate your potential significant other. While it is not for me to tell people how to pursue a romantic endeavour, surely one or two dates (especially during times of lockdown) is nowhere near enough time to fully paint a picture of what your future could look like. You are simply basing your decision from a gut feeling, and while our guts often guide us correctly, some things need more thought and attention before we dismiss them like throwing away a pen when it runs out of ink?

So what happens when we find ourselves in the above situation? You have been talking for a while, maybe on the phone or via WhatsApp. You have agreed to meet up and go for a walk and maybe to get something to eat. Presuming this is a first date, you really need to put out some feelers to show what kind of person you are. There is no need to change who you are or how you act in an attempt to impress who you think could one day be the one for you. This should be respected and appreciated by the other person. If you get the impression that you are not seeing the true colours of someone, challenge them. Ask them if they are trying to impress you - any secrets they are keeping on day one will only become more obvious and more of an issue further down the line.

So what happens after the first date? Well, usually both man and woman will go home spend hours analysing every single miniscule detail about what happened, before one of them will take the daunting step of sending a message. This can be saying how much fun they had, arranging to meet again for a second date but should never, and I stress never here, should be dismissive or 'friend-zoning'. It is important to take into account many factors about a first date - both parties feeling understandably and expectedly nervous and cautious, the lack of understanding of different ways of humour and the obvious careful approach not to say or do anything 'wrong', among other factors obviously. Even if you really were not 'feeling the feels' you have to allow yourself the second date as a bare minimum - this is where you can dig deeper and assess the date on an emotional perspective, as well as thinking about any long-term potential with that person.

Everyone has feelings and these feelings can be very easily hurt. While some people are in it to be dating for a year before getting to the Facebook official stage, others will fall very quickly and are not afraid of expressing how they feel on day one. This takes courage to do and as much as you might not feel the same way, someone is spilling their heart right in front of you and shooting them out the sky in that moment is likely to hurt them and leave a long-term scar on that person. In previous articles I have spoken a lot about putting yourself first, however, sometimes you need to place yourself in the shoes of another. How would a similar situation make you feel? The other point to remember here is that you never know what people are going through in their lives. This date might be the one thing that has kept them going for a few weeks. And this is exactly why at least a second date is a necessity. It is very unlikely that you are going to get someone's life story the first time you meet someone. You want a fair chance yourself, so be prepared to allow others the same opportunity.

I feel that since we are in 2021 and having spent nearly a year in some form of lockdown, I need to give a mention to online dating. Figures suggest that meeting a long-term partner online increased by 33% compared to the previous years. People have wanted something to do, and they had the time to do that during the pandemic. The same research does suggest, however, that the length of time between matching online and meeting for the first time has almost doubled. This is no doubt due to the constant restrictions. The whole concept of meeting someone online should remain the same, as should the meeting process be. Dating itself does not change, and nor should it.

So, what is the bottom line to this article? Well, only you can answer that. Love is very specific to each individual, each couple and each situation. The one thing that we all must do is give it a fair crack.

Happy dating!

Connor

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