Chosen Family

Good afternoon and welcome back to this afternoon's blog. Every single moment in life can have ups and downs and throw up curve balls when we least expect them. This has been even more apparent over the past twelve months with the coronavirus pandemic causing havoc with everyone's lives on a daily basis. During these challenges and emotionally difficult times, we need our support system. The obvious answer here is your family; we have seen them more in the last year than we probably ever have or ever will again. But this family are the ones that you are connected to by love, blood or marriage. While I am not doubting for a second the importance of these special people, there are moments where we need to break away from this 'security net' as some might say. We need an alternative way of being ourselves and regulating our emotions to bring ourselves back to a state of stability and happiness. This is where our chosen family come into play. Not our parents or grandparents, not our husbands or wives or children, but people who we consider more than friends. These are the individuals who we see as family in a different light - they are not related to us yet feel like they should be. The interesting thing about a chosen family is that we often feel more connected to them than we do our real family. We have chosen these people so surely this is a natural instinct. We do not have to include these people in our lives, yet we want to because it feels the right thing to do.

Despite the fact this is called a chosen family, there are certain groups of people that should not be considered for such a vital role. The obvious group will be your work colleagues; you spend so much time with them discussing business and how to go about your day-to-day jobs. While it is perfectly acceptable and natural to call these people friends (you should have a good relationship with them), you are very unlikely to turn to colleagues in a time of personal crisis. Most of us do not have that close knit relationship with people at work. People you have known for a while (school friends if you will) are also not the best to fulfil the chosen family member role. Although they will know you extremely well - possibly better than you know yourself - there is such a thing as knowing someone too well. Think about your best friend in a time of crisis. I would turn to them to comfort me and encourage me and to be on my side even when I am obviously in the wrong. This is key but does not do us any favours in the long run; we need someone who will be brutally honest with us and put us back in our box when we overstep the mark. This is a very fine line and our chosen family should be people who understand that line and can go between the two sides at ease depending on the situation.

When we think about people to select in our chosen family, we look to people who maybe do not know us as well as others, but people who we trust to give us good advice and not lead us astray. We want people who see things from a different perspective to us - maybe a completely different type of person. This could be a family-friend, someone you know from a sports or activity group, or simply a stranger who you see on the train everyday on your way to work who you talk to regularly and become friends with over time. You want your chosen family members to have a different kind of trust than your real family; you can't afford to surround yourself with hundreds of people with exactly the same personalities. This will lead you down a very slippery slope because there is nobody around you who can speak to you in an unbiased way. People telling you that you are wrong or even shouting at you now and again is strong. It is not a sign of disliking you, but instead showing that they care about you enough to force you to see right from wrong. They will guide us when we are blinded by our own troubles and they will pick us up when we are feeling down.

Let me now tell you about my chosen family. It is a very small group and I want to bring attention to the Twitch community. This is an online live stream platform used for gaming, music or other chatting streams. There are two different types of people that have become part of my chosen family. First, we have the streamers. The people who put time and effort into doing what they love in a way that means they can share their talent with people who are missing live gigs because of the pandemic. Then you have the viewers that go to a particular stream to support streamers they enjoy watching and to chat to other viewers watching. It is not as clear cut though as streamer and viewers - it really is a community feeling. Everyone gets on well and there are always one or two people on every stream (streamer or not) who you click with. I have people who watch a lot of similar streams to me who I would now consider part of my chosen family. Although I have never met these people in person, they give off the sense that they genuinely care for me and we discuss work, coronavirus and even issues that we are having. Just last week I did an Instagram live with one of the streamers who I watch every week and I can genuinely say this person is the most appreciative and kind-hearted human being I have ever met. She is so grateful for every ounce of support and I feel comfortable and confident being able to talk to her about anything and she would guide me on the right path. It goes without saying that I would do the same for her. This is the power of the Twitch community. This is the power of your chosen family.

Choose you chosen family carefully; they are not as easy to get rid off as you might think. Trust them with every decision and make them your first point of call in challenging times, regardless of how much your instincts will tell you your real family come first. And treat them in the same way - that way they will treat you like family too.

Connor

X